I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
