I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
