You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and she was petting her beer can
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize