Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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