the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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