12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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