I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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