What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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