1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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