I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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