..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
