Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
