Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize