i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
