There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
