It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
