Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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