The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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