You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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