Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to sanitize my soul.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
