So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
