I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
