No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
