If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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