My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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