Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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