I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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