And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
