Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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