I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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