You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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