Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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