How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want a musical about memes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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