If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
