Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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