i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
