He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
