I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
