It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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