If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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