haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
