It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
