The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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