well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize