It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
