isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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