the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
