I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
