if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
