I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
