I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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