too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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