i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
