At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i now understand why vodka
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
