some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
