I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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