Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
