so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
