You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
