Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
